Bittersweet

Well, it finally happened. On Sunday, we dropped off child number seven—the last of the Cicotte kids—at college. Lucy now lives in Bozeman, Montana and attends Montana State University.  

There were lots of tears —though Lucy's were definitely less about leaving us and more about leaving behind her beloved cat to attend a college where everyone is made from the same white, conservative, cookie cutter (I'm a white, conservative, so I can say that).  

Our drive home was quiet. But not the happy, "kids-are-finally-asleep" quiet. Not the "fresh-snow-outside" quiet. It was the hollow echoing silence of parents realizing our day-to-day lives are about to be really empty. To honor Lucy, we let her Apple Music playlist fill the car and for several hours we alternated between sniffling, singing along, and wondering how many times a person can listen to Taylor Swift.

But here's the thing: for the first time in decades, we weren't in a rush to get home to anyone. No one had a piano recital we needed to attend, no one was waiting for dinner, no one was about to text us "ETA??" So naturally, we celebrated this newfound parental freedom by hopping on our bikes in the middle of the drive home for a 30-mile ride on the Trail of the Olympian. From Haugen, Montana to the East portal of the Hiawatha Trail and back we were just two middle-aged lawyers on the loose. 

     

Oh, and because we can't pass through Idaho without stopping to see our grandsons, we detoured 5 hours out of the way before reaching Bozeman to watch our 8-year-old grandson auction his pig, Hank, at the Cassia county fair. Nothing says "full-circle parenting" like cheering on your grandson's pig at the fair, then crying in a college parking lot a day later. Hank did great, by the way. He fetched $2100 and seemed less stressed about leaving home than Lucy. 

So here we are. Our nest is empty. Our baby is launched. And we are left with the bittersweet feelings that only parenthood can deliver: pride and relief that our children have flown the nest, heartbreak that they no longer need us in the same way. 

Every story has a soundtrack. Here are a few songs (not Taylor Swift!) from the soundtrack of this bittersweet weekend :